The OTHER closet

So in recent events I have come out to 2 of my teammates recently. Let me explain my situation so you understand why this is a big deal

In Americorps NCCC I eat, sleep, work, live, and spend literally every hour with my team. Although it can be difficult, it’s what I signed up for. Generally, I was out when it came to my gender identity back home. But here I feel like if I burn these bridges, I’ll be stuck trying to walk across them for the next 9 months.

So my 2 teammates, Cat and Amanda were outside with me and it pretty much came up in conversation. “I’m trying to figure out some stuff by the end of Americorps.” Their curiosity led to questioning and after a long contemplation under the moon- and starlight, I decided to come out to them.

They didn’t react how I expected. In all honestly, I think that they didn’t understand. I think that I expected either hatred or understanding. When I got confusion, I was baffled. It was a great relief to get that off my chest. To know that I was not hated. And that I now had these 2 people I can talk to. But at the same time I know they have issues of their own and I can’t use them as vents like friends back home. They’re not that close. Ever since I came out to them my mind has been racing. I feel like they’re opinion of me has changed but I don’t know. I need to talk to them again. There are still 7 individuals in this team that know nothing of me. I’m trying to make the appropriate conscious decision of what to do with this situation. Hmmm…I want to tell them because I feel like only these individuals can help me feel more comfortable by watching what they say or what they do around me. But then again…would they even be willing? We have a 7:3 girl to guy ratio... most, if not all of those girls, are feminists… and I don’t know if anyone here has ever dealt with trying to explain transgenderism to a feminist, but let’s just say it never really goes well. Well off to bed. Let us see how this goes.