Dysphoria

It is a thought. A beautiful one to a lot of us, that creates us. A thought of creation. A thought to become a better match. Not to anyone else, but to ourselves. This is my first semester of college, and as most people in college, I have began to explore everything which can create me. Unfortunately, in discovering everything that is better, everything which is not that causes discomfort. Kind of like a drug. I want the best of what I can have. When you know everything that something can be, you want that everything. Only a little isn't sufficient. I've been dealing with dysphoria so much lately. to the point where i almost had a panic attack a couple nights ago. I'm fine now though and it all seems so weird to me. I guess i'm still in the process of figuring everything out which causes me to embrace what I've been missing out on. When i become completely comfortable with my dysphoria is when I am able to present myself as my bio-gender. Usually I feel most comfortable as a male. I swear sometimes I wish I was biomale and presented as female when I called for it. Unfortunately that is the exact opposite of my case. I am so confused as to who I am or how I want to continue living. Right now i'm living day to day with whatever is most comfortable for that particular situation.

Peace and Love to everyone out there. I hope your confusion to whatever your situation may be is less than mine.