Focal Points; and Public Apology

I realized today two main focal points I have with each gender. My focus on my female gender is very superficial. I focus malnly on the physical aspects of what I look like and that’s pretty much it. Vanity i guess is the simplest word I can use to explain female me. My male focus is pretty much on everthing else. I guess many can say that it defines the complex-nature of me. I focus my male side on appearances as well, I will not lie, but there is more. I also focus on my behavior and attitudes. I make sure that my manners are more intact when I am male than I am female. I keep higher moral standards. The issue with being male though lies in all this focus. I work so hard to try to build the perfect life for me and sometimes I become aggressive. I try so hard to build the perfect life for me, so sometimes I completely forget the needs of others. My female side is my calm side, its the side that interacts with everything and doesn't overanalyze things to the point where it tears my life apart.

I want to make this an opportunity to say I'm sorry, to the girl which I hurt because of all of this. It was not my original intention to write this blog as an apology, but as I wrote all of this I realized my faults. I just dissected myself, and this dissection led to self-realization. I've apologized for what I did so just know that that is not particularly what I'm apologizing for. I'm more apologizing for my ignorance of myself. For my lack of knowledge of why I was doing what I did and the fact that Overall, I did. I just want you to know my reasons, although reasons are not justifications.

Beautiful

Here is a short poem I did when I was half asleep

Beautiful

A man and a woman

The moon and the sun

Together they vanish

Or begin to highlight

Eachother

Forever

For eternity

A life full of beauty

Full of nothing but me

I cannot say that I have what you see as beauty

I I don’t have long flowing hair

Or eyes of pure beauty

What I have is a presence that is beautiful and kind

One that makes me

Me

And no one else am I alike

A gentleman that opens doors

For any young lady that passes by

A lady that is strong and bold

And stands up for anything right

I’m beautiful because I’m me

Because I’m unlike any other

I’m beautiful because what I do

Makes me feel in credible

I’m beautiful because

No matter what

You do

Or what you say

Everything inside of me

Will always be the same

Brin's Video on : Boy Mode and (Bi)Gender Switching - Bigender.net - Paul - Video 10

So my binder arrived yesterday and I picked it up. I must say it was rather difficult to put on since binders don’t stretch that much. It was fine once I got it over my shoulders. Wow perfect size!!! I was amazed at how well it compresses. I’m nearly flat (the fact that my breasts are a D cup I wasn’t expecting this). I would honesty recommend to all bigender people, pre-op transmen, and even just the casual crossdressers and cosplayers! It is also unbelievable comfortable. For all of us who bind with ace bandages, we know that after a while it starts to hurt and it gets a bit difficult to breath or it just starts chafing our skin. The thing with the Underworks binder is that it doesn’t stretch much, but it stretches just enough to adjust and conform to your body. It’s breathable, so your skin isn’t feeling suffocated. And you can wear it all day since it fits just like a tee. I’m also beginning to notice that its helping out with some back issues I have. Specifically I got the Underwork #997 just so you know exactly which one I’m talking about. Well I just thought I’d share my excitement!! J I’ll make sure to post pics up eventually ( whenever I can get my camera to start working). Everyone have a great day! BTW I got some head turns today... the "wait is that a girl? or a boy? wtf?" look LMAO that put a smile on my face

So where does androgyny fit in all this?

So bigender. I am both male and female. OK. that has already been discussed and settled.

So I'm wondering for those of us that also have an androgynous side, where does it fit in? Androgyny wouldn't, by my opinion, be another gender. What do you guys think? Is androgyny considered another gender all - in - all or will it just be the in-between of both genders. I know that androgyny by definition is non conforming to either, but I want to know where it fits in the bigender community

My first binder

So I caved and ended up buying a binder last night. This is a very important step for me since I am very large breasted and can't bind down any other way. Through recommendations and reviews I ended up going with Underworks :) I'll put up another post when it arrives in the mail. I'm a little nervous about it arriving though since my dorm inspects our mail O.o well if anyone is following this yet. Here is, in a way, my first official post :)

Copied from Bigender.net (bigender is...)

Here are some posts from bigender.net that I feel also accurately explain "bigender"

WRITTEN BY BRIN
"Bigender is not transitioning.
Bigender is not absolute certainty of identity (in fact, I think it probably requires less certainty).
Bigender is not HRT.
Bigender is not passing.

Bigender is (to me) knowing that my identity is best expressed through both of the culturally accepted gender constructs (if you want to get all trans warrior about it)
Bigender is a vehicle through which I can feel complete in myself and in my self.
Bigender is two closets full of nothing to wear.
Bigender is analysis paralysis when trying to decide on which presentation is going to make an appearance or resentment when my presentation is a foregone conclusion without my input.
Bigender is not knowing if you should drown your sorrows with your bros at the bar or with your girlfriends over chocolate, wine and tears."


WRITTEN BY BELL

[Bigender] "Is helping to keep the balance, the perfect sound of middle ground. A place to be to find yourself. And when and if a final choice is made to go one way or the other for good, it was reached with the best possible consideration for both sides."

Defining Bigender

I could put up a generic definition of what bigender means, but if you're looking for that just google or wikipedia it. Instead, I want to post what being bigender means to me.

For all of us who don't know bigender is, by literal meaning, having 2 genders. To me, it means that I have more than one gender.

To me (and I speak purely for myself and not the entire bigender community):

Bigender is NOT. transitioning from one gender to another

Bigender is NOT.being on one side of the gender spectrum

Bigender is NOT. passing

Bigender is NOT. having split personalities

Bigender is NOT. taking horomone replacements

Bigender is NOT. a disease, a condition or a disorder

Bigender is expression

Bigender is being both a man and a woman (and sometimes everything inbetween)

Bigender is understanding both sides of the spectrum

Bigender is finding beauty and acceptance in all your identities.

Bigender (in my situation) is being both lesbian and straight

Bigender is having a perception beyond what many understand