I realized today two main focal points I have with each gender. My focus on my female gender is very superficial. I focus malnly on the physical aspects of what I look like and that’s pretty much it. Vanity i guess is the simplest word I can use to explain female me. My male focus is pretty much on everthing else. I guess many can say that it defines the complex-nature of me. I focus my male side on appearances as well, I will not lie, but there is more. I also focus on my behavior and attitudes. I make sure that my manners are more intact when I am male than I am female. I keep higher moral standards. The issue with being male though lies in all this focus. I work so hard to try to build the perfect life for me and sometimes I become aggressive. I try so hard to build the perfect life for me, so sometimes I completely forget the needs of others. My female side is my calm side, its the side that interacts with everything and doesn't overanalyze things to the point where it tears my life apart.
I want to make this an opportunity to say I'm sorry, to the girl which I hurt because of all of this. It was not my original intention to write this blog as an apology, but as I wrote all of this I realized my faults. I just dissected myself, and this dissection led to self-realization. I've apologized for what I did so just know that that is not particularly what I'm apologizing for. I'm more apologizing for my ignorance of myself. For my lack of knowledge of why I was doing what I did and the fact that Overall, I did. I just want you to know my reasons, although reasons are not justifications.
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