End :/

After a long argument with myself I have decided that it is in my best interest to no longer continue my natural transitioning process : /. I’m scared… I’m freaking out about everything right now and I think it’s best to have patience and just let things stand still… possibly revisit the idea in the future. Possibly not. I’m putting away my bottle of what now is 50 mg of DHEA under my bed :/ (this upsets me cuz it’s a brand new bottle) I know I will feel the need to take DHEA every now and then ( as I mentioned in a previous post it just makes me feel good :)) so in those situations I have agreed to take half of a 25mg DHEA pill. I will continue to take the health supplements such as the milk thistle and flaxseed oil because, in all reality, it’s good for anyone to take. I plan to begin working out more and my workout plans will not change due to the decision I have made. I will continue to leave soy out of my diet because I feel healthier doing so. I guess…it’s the DHEA… anyone who has read Tristan’s NT book knows that it is indeed one of the most potent pills in the book (besides the Estrogen blockers which I didn’t take )

I just don’t want to make permanent damage. I hope to revisit the idea of seeing a counselor after I am done with my travels…but the idea still freaks me the fuck out. Life is a beautiful thing…permanence in life however is scary and we have to make sure we are 100% before anything “permanent” gets done.

But remember

The only thing permanent in life is change.

It all sounds like technicalities for me right now. Do “this” you will get “that” … I wish life could be so much easier I wish things could be a little more black and white. I’ve always lived my life in this gray area and it makes everything so difficult. I hate this! People (for whatever reason) think that I enjoy living my life as this “alternative lifestyle” whatever the fuck that means. I want a normal life but it seems to be a conflict of interest. :/ whatever. I’m starting not to care about so many things :/